An Open Letter To The Man I Think I Know Best
It had been days, maybe four or five, when I first started noticing the dull pains on the left side of my chest. Sometimes they are under or right at the end of the rib cage and other times they are higher on my chest. At that time, I just do what I usually do which is nothing. I waited and waited to see if the pains would go away, and they didn’t. They say you should never take a pain on the left side of your chest for granted, so I didn’t. I drove myself to the emergency room at the nearest hospital to check it out.
I never expect the worst of things. I’m not terribly old and I’m in decent shape. I didn’t know what to expect honestly except that I would be in the emergency room for hours. They ran a series of test on me, drew blood, EKG, X-rays and some other stuff. There were some people there that arrived with and after me and they were all in bad shape. After about four hours they were all gone, and I was still there. It was at this time I started to worry a bit about things.
The Wisdom of Herr Winkler
“Everything they say is true.” said an old man in German sitting next to me in the waiting room. “About what?” I responded. “Everything they say is true about getting old” he said. “You get old, you get sick, and you never get better. You stop doing the things you used to do because you can’t anymore.” He continued. I think he might have been about 80 years old or so.
He wasn’t trying to scare me, but he did. His words were chilling. I saw in his face that he probably wouldn’t be around much longer. He had those plastic tubes running from under his nose and into his mouth to help funnel oxygen to him. His voice was raspy probably from years of smoking and drinking, fingers curled and hand to his chest. I didn’t want to talk to him for fear he would just go on saying morbid things and finally end up telling me something else bone chilling. I turned my head to the other side opposite him and dug my hand into my jacket pocket trying to find my headphones. I didn’t want to listen to anything at all, but I’ve found that if you have headphones in your ears people won’t talk to you. You can also use the noise cancelling function to drown out any noise going on and be in total silence (added bonus).
My fingers had just found the white case that houses my wireless noise canceling headphones when the old man grabbed my wrist. I turned to him, and we met eye to eye. “Everything they say is true about getting old, that’s why you have to live everyday like it’s your last and without regrets.” He said. I didn’t say anything back. We just looked at each other for a few seconds and he grinned at me. “Herr Winkler!” says some nurse with a deep Bavarian accent walking fast around the corner. “Herr Winkler, you have to stay in your room and stop venturing around in your wheelchair bothering people.” The nurse grabbed the back of the wheel chair the old man was sitting in and wheeled him off but not before he patted me twice on the arm.
Everything They Say is True
I waited in the hospital for about six hours and was finally relieved when a doctor came out to speak with me about the test results. “Your heart and lungs are in perfect condition.” said the Doctor “…we just think whatever is causing the pain could be in the muscles or even in the way you are sleeping”. “Thanks.” I said wiping the sweat from my forehead. It was about 10Pm when I finally snatched the last piece of band aid from my veins and gathered my stuff before I started to leave. I passed by a room, door open, about seven people inside. I see Herr Winkler’s wheelchair. The seven people are circled around a bed of which I cannot see who is laying in it. I pause for a while to be nosey. I just felt like I needed to confirm if it was Herr Winkler or not when the nurse from earlier closed the door after looking me sternly in the face. It was time for me to go home. Everything they say is true. There are only two things in life that are certain; you are born, and you will die.
I sat down and wrote the words to this blog immediately when I got home. I didn’t even have time to write them in my journal as is the ritual for me. There will be some big changes for me as I move into 2023. It is usually very easy for me to observe the world around me. It’s not equally as easy to observe he who stands in the mirror in front of me everyday. I have always been a very inquisitive individual, thoughtful and curious in my approach to things, all things as a matter of fact except myself. That’s going to change this coming year. I have my own personal goals in life, my own personal struggles as well. I have some regrets and I have a bunch of things I’ve done that I’m proud of. I seek to maximize those things in the coming year. I wish the same to all of my readers. Happy New Year.